faith

I'm really trying to seek the kingdom first and let everything else take care of itself.

(Trying.)

Truthfully, I have entered this new land. I can see the grapes, but the giants are scaring the hell out of me.

(Rid me of this fear lord.)

I am determined to be victorious through this. The creator did not bring us here to die, go broke, be made fools, have no identity, feel worthless.

(So god, why do I feel broke, foolish, like a nobody, and worthless?)

Sometimes I thought I could walk on water. I guess I've always had crutches.

Dear god, thank you for trials.

employment update

After checking up on the dismal lumber yard gig last week, a local French bistro owner, Anne-Marie (where I passed a brief audition to play music in her place this spring/summer) gave me the name of a home remodeling business owner.

I called him and met with him at the River Dog Diner the following Saturday morning.

All I can say is that EVERYTHING about the meeting went positive. He is definitely someone I would want to work for. He maintains a respectable schedule (M-F 8am-4:30), pays VERY well, and seemed to like me. He had planned to contact me Monday after seeing if one of his new employees would work out. The new guy hadn't showed up for a few days or something.

So Monday night I get an email from the business owner which said his employee showed back up after being ill for three days. He was going to try him out some more but really wanted to do something with me.

It sounds very promising. But I'm so weary of waiting. I'm going to keep looking. But I want this to work out too.

crashing

I confess, I have avoided writing any reports for a while. Primarily because I tire of using this blog as a whine-fest. I could write on the handful of folks I've met and the slow intertwined adventures that may begin. But I am low these days.

The basement reno project, my daily existence and lifeline, is oh so close to being complete. But our financial outlook is dismal. The choices that I clearly see are: 1) finish the basement and be flat broke or 2) start working (assuming there is work for me somewhere) and hope for better days ahead to finish the basement.

I think way too much. And hacking away at the basement gives me too much time alone to think.

I wonder if I've failed. If I missed something entirely in this whole assignment change. If I was supposed to move at all. These are nonsense thoughts I'm sure. But they plague me anyway.

On the bright side, my wife was given a job cleaning a local bank building 5 nights a week for about an hour each night. It pays around $20/hour. Viva la Canada to that. And I am being strongly considered for a position with a local lumber yard in running the yard as well as installation crew. It would be steady work. It's been a long time since I had 40+ hour a week employment. I don't know if that is what the creator is giving me or what. I talked to the owners of the lumber yard yesterday for a good 30 minutes. I gathered that they had no conscious in over-working and under-paying their employees. That left me feeling bleak.

Maybe the creator will open another door for me soon. I pray consistently on this subject. I hear only silence. The silence is making me nervous and feeling somewhat worthless.

I want to do independent house flipping again someday. Maybe this lumber yard gig is a path in that direction, etc

I plead again for your prayer coverage on this matter: the lord knows what I want and what I am good at. He's never put me somewhere that I wasn't meant to be. Maybe he is yet again preparing me for what I want...