I've been under attack much lately, if not for the past three months. And that's OK, as I finally recognize what all of this is.
For years I've been a huge believer in spiritual warfare: being attacked by the things we cannot see and so forth. Unfortunately, the handful of christians I am surrounded by (mostly my wife's family) don't know or believe in too much of this subject. So seeking prayer, counsel, and help is dismal for the time being.
In the physical: I have no income, no local identity as of yet (except maybe as 'that guy from Texas'), we are living on the resources we brought with us from a couple of house sales in Texas last spring, and I am making our basement livable space by remodeling it top to bottom.
So in other words, we're spending a lot of money with nothing coming in. I've sought the lord on this numerous times, both before and during this remodel process. So far I hear silence. But all arrows point in the direction I'm going in. I a) have the time and b) am gaining massive experience in building/remodeling techniques in Canada (ie: moisture prevention and insulation techniques).
Add christmas mayhem in the mix and you have one guy like me going nuts. I haven't felt this much stress in my life.
But I trust all has a purpose. Hell, back in 2006 our life was dryer than dry. And The Creator still provided. Go figure.
These attacks have had me doubting my abilities, character, and purpose. I often wonder if moving to Canada was the right thing, being that this is a damn expensive place to dwell. But coins show up in fishes mouths on occasions, so I've seen.
I finally recognize these as attacks and not a 'huge mistake' on my part.
I request prayer back up. Thank you
I recently had a short dream where my cousin Mark and I were sitting at the Reach Out. There, someone had donated an airplane, one of those small, two-seater prop job types. "Oh good", said Mark. "Now we can fly over the Reach Out and get a good view of the entire region."
I really thought this was significant in a way only a dream can be to the individual who received it. I've been wanting to know exactly why the Creator brought us to this remote location to raise our family. And I've been wanting to know what was going on beyond what my eyes could see.
As mentioned before, in the native communities there is a huge blanket of distrust between them and white people. There is also much suicide and depression.
But within many white people throughout Canada, there is general unhappiness. I have met very few who truly enjoy or appreciate their job, career, and overall life. I know this is common throughout the US as well, but it seems more so in Canada.
Canadians enjoy higher wages and more benefits (health coverage, etc) than the average American. But there's no incentive within their jobs to work better. There's no joy in their life as evident to more smoking and drinking than I've ever seen. People are always looking for escape of some sort.
In Texas, I knew many who earned $7 - $10 an hour with no benefits yet were so full of life.
It seems like there is a huge void for Jesus around here.
It began snowing about an hour before my plane from Texas landed. And it's been white ever since.
For obvious reasons, the cold has changed the social dynamics of River Dog. Everyone is holed up in their heated dwelling or something. There's no chit chat on the streets, scant words on the way to school, and so forth.
I am extra thankful for my ongoing friendship with Giovanni across the street as social gatherings must be intentional in an arctic environment. And we still gather over various beverages.
Otherwise, in my life I still peck away at the basement renovations. It is getting exciting as major change is happening, which totally floats my boat. Transformation is one of the primary reasons I got into house flipping and remodeling.
I have a new truck. It is identical to my old one (year, make & model, engine size) with a few exceptions. I got word that my truck left in Texas had sold about a week after I left it there. Then this replacement one shows up. Now I'm learning to drive a two-wheel drive pickup on ice. Not too practical.
The recent trip to the fair mo' city was the weirdest, most emotional week of my life. I have absolutely nothing to compare this to. Everything set my emotions off like a four year old girl.
I am still trying to process it. And I don't know if I will fully ever understand that whole week and my time bomb edginess.
On one hand, I was 1) leaving my culture shock in River Dog, 2) re-entering reverse culture shock in Texas, 3) being forced to get rid of a truck I both love and need right now, 4) seeing old friends and neighbors who meant a lot to me, and 5) getting to see Obi-Wan again and thus, having to say good-bye to him again.
That last part about Obi-Wan: I am beginning to accept that maybe I shouldn't anticipate his passing. Or anyone's passing. He's 93. And he could very well live to see 100. Maybe I'll see him again. Several times.
But part of my emotions came from seeing my life from a brand new perspective. That perspective can best be related to the Jimmy Stuart character in It's A Wonderful Life. Kind of like I received a rare glimpse of how one's own life has influenced a person, people, or region. It was mind blowing and I couldn't handle it well.
The creator made an appearance at a Sanford BBQ (my former neighbors) that I was invited to. He spoke boldly through me as if he had unfinished business with this family I had grown with over the years.
I don't know if I'll ever get a full grip on what the creator was showing me during that trip. I don't know if I'll ever understand it's full purpose either.
But I do know: I have been renewed. I am back in River Dog as a fully restored and renewed man. Depression fully gone. Confidence back. Basement renovations full force. Hope and vision for the future restored.
That alone was worth the whole trip.
(several cast of characters from the agent b files): Bulldog, Tiger, and Frieda Sanford, Obi-Wan, and the Jedi Master house flipper)
I am headed up Mount Moriah in the am to deliver Isaac to Texas. With no functional CD player and only crappy radio stations from North Dakota to Kansas, I should be able to hear the creator loud and clear...should he choose to speak. I hope so.
I expect to be renewed over and again during this trip. I didn't realize how bad I need it.
My new friend Giovanni called to wish me well. We have been through a fair bit together recently.This weekend I was doing insane labor on my basement with my cousin Mark. We were cutting out concrete for two new windows. So loud noise and dust were had by all. Gio stopped by to drop off a belated house warming gift: two six packs from my favorite Saskatchewan micro brewery. He left them in the back yard where he and his daughter had a bad encounter with my dog.
Gio was trying to get his daughter to pet our nervous dog. Our dog bit her face and she required three stitches.
We're seriously considering getting rid of our dog of seven years. It's a hard decision.
But Gio is adamant that this was his fault: being in our fenced yard and pushing a nervous dog and kid. Meanwhile, he's giving me beer and inviting us over for dinner when I return. I guess he's not harboring bitterness over this.
Last week we had coffee at the building he works at. It's the coolest building in River Dog. I am convinced he is ripe for change with the creator.
He's looking for a change.
Lord, I am a willing vessel. This is in your hands.
Things are moving ahead in terms of knowing and meeting people in the River Dog area. It's much slower than compared to the fair mo' city (our last assignment), where getting in with a particular religious group can instantly win you dozens of allies.
My accross the street neighbor Giovani and I have continued our Saturday night gatherings over a beer or three. Recently we met in my heated garage - the greatest man cave ever.
And last week I was hired by Ron to assist in installing a deck. It was only a three day job but better than nothing. And the good news is that I'm pretty sure Ron liked me. It sounds as though I will be his right hand man on any future jobs that require two people.
Although Ron is probably the most micro-managing human I've ever worked for. It makes sense as he's a very meticulous carpenter that usually works alone. But I was having flashbacks of working for Son and Dad Tree Service, Inc in the fair mo' city...
And speaking of, I will soon be making a trek back to the city of our first assignment. It is a reluctant homecoming, one that will be celebrated beyond measure. But the purpose is to deliver my truck to TX to be sold. And I'm not overly smiley about that. So it goes.
Suicide is a huge dark cloud that covers over remote native regions. I believe there are very real historic and spiritual reasons for this, mostly thanks to Euro-colonization of the North American continent and all of its ills. It's just a fact: the natives were given the raw end of the deal.
But the hopelessness lives on for generations, or so it seems.
I had no idea we would be faced with this level of despair. It's almost tempting to believe that living in the comfort of the fair mo' city (TX) forever would have been a good idea. Almost.
I trust the creator knew what he was doing when he sent us here. Lord, strengthen us. We will stand firm.
I've been under attack much lately, if not for the past three months. And that's OK, as I finally recognize what all of this is.
