agent b reloaded

The recent trip to the fair mo' city was the weirdest, most emotional week of my life. I have absolutely nothing to compare this to. Everything set my emotions off like a four year old girl.

I am still trying to process it. And I don't know if I will fully ever understand that whole week and my time bomb edginess.

On one hand, I was 1) leaving my culture shock in River Dog, 2) re-entering reverse culture shock in Texas, 3) being forced to get rid of a truck I both love and need right now, 4) seeing old friends and neighbors who meant a lot to me, and 5) getting to see Obi-Wan again and thus, having to say good-bye to him again.

That last part about Obi-Wan: I am beginning to accept that maybe I shouldn't anticipate his passing. Or anyone's passing. He's 93. And he could very well live to see 100. Maybe I'll see him again. Several times.

But part of my emotions came from seeing my life from a brand new perspective. That perspective can best be related to the Jimmy Stuart character in It's A Wonderful Life. Kind of like I received a rare glimpse of how one's own life has influenced a person, people, or region. It was mind blowing and I couldn't handle it well.

The creator made an appearance at a Sanford BBQ (my former neighbors) that I was invited to. He spoke boldly through me as if he had unfinished business with this family I had grown with over the years.

I don't know if I'll ever get a full grip on what the creator was showing me during that trip. I don't know if I'll ever understand it's full purpose either.

But I do know: I have been renewed. I am back in River Dog as a fully restored and renewed man. Depression fully gone. Confidence back. Basement renovations full force. Hope and vision for the future restored.

That alone was worth the whole trip.

(several cast of characters from the agent b files): Bulldog, Tiger, and Frieda Sanford, Obi-Wan, and the Jedi Master house flipper)